21.1.10
morbid
"We had a memorial service for Isaac a few years back, and I spoke and said at one point, 'Isaac is up in heaven now.' It was the funniest thing I could have said to an audience of humanists... And if I should die, God forbid, I hope you will say, 'Kurt is up in heaven now.' That's my favorite joke."
i just recently found out that a million episodes of frontline are on PBS.org for free! i just watched the undertaking, a story about a small funeral home and the experiences of its undertakers. It got me thinking about my own demise, and the loss of the ones i love. I have always found the only true, reliable source of comfort in all situations tends to be hope. That doesn't mean hope that the dying will become well, or the hope that i myself will never die--more the feeling of hope that comes when i realize that from nothing, all of this has materialized. a century ago, none of these people i love existed as they do now. in a century, none of them will exist. as surely as this is all going to end, something new and beautiful will begin, that i may never see or experience.
i just believe that you don't need to feel comforted by the hope that you will see the deceased again in heaven or in another life. it is comfort enough that you have lived, have seen what you have seen, and are given the incredible gift of living your life with beautiful people you will eventually lose. this whole experience is so spontaneous and fleeting, what does it matter if it lives on forever? it is living right now, and that can never be altered.
i'm not sure i'm happy about writing this in my blog, but my paper journal is too far away and im thinking this too heavily to not write it down.
(if i die any time soon, please realize that i don't want to be alive somewhere else. it would take away from the beauty of being alive in this place.)
13.1.10
geriatrics
So I was up late again at my mum and dad's last night. Usually that means I end up unintentionally watching the worst of the worst on television, like the Colon Cleanse infomercial and the 700 club. Somehow, I was lucky enough to stumble on THIS amazingness on PBS around 2 am:
So incredible. It's on again tonight at 9 on wgbh. Watch it!
As if I needed another reason to adore the elderly, it's stories like this that remind me of how resilient we all are. We are forced through so many different stages of life and in the end, we are then forced to face death. Still, there is an undercurrent of happiness, satisfaction and even hope through all of these times. It sort of makes all these silly things we stress over seem so trivial. There is so much to be done, but there is still plenty of time to do it all. I hope when I'm an octogenarian, I have such a sense of humour about myself and about the approaching end of my life.
So incredible. It's on again tonight at 9 on wgbh. Watch it!
As if I needed another reason to adore the elderly, it's stories like this that remind me of how resilient we all are. We are forced through so many different stages of life and in the end, we are then forced to face death. Still, there is an undercurrent of happiness, satisfaction and even hope through all of these times. It sort of makes all these silly things we stress over seem so trivial. There is so much to be done, but there is still plenty of time to do it all. I hope when I'm an octogenarian, I have such a sense of humour about myself and about the approaching end of my life.
3.1.10
a very good weekend.
one of the best in a very long while.
friday night, all the cousins and i went to the burren for a few drinks, and wound up at jj foley's in the south end to meet up with tony gillan (visiting from inis mor). there is very little I love more than spending a chunk of time relaxing with my family--especially the ones that are not here as much as i wish they were. nights like this make me want so badly to go back to ireland this summer.
on saturday, we all went skiing. though it was blistering cold and windy, peggy and i both managed to not fall at all. i like to think its because i'm an expert skiier...but i'm sure it had a lot to do with the wind being so strong that i couldn't go too fast.
i need to remember how it feels to spend time like this. i've needed a rest from being anxious about this or that for a very long time. i have found no better way to recharge than to laugh until i pee my pants with my family in somerville.
friday night, all the cousins and i went to the burren for a few drinks, and wound up at jj foley's in the south end to meet up with tony gillan (visiting from inis mor). there is very little I love more than spending a chunk of time relaxing with my family--especially the ones that are not here as much as i wish they were. nights like this make me want so badly to go back to ireland this summer.
on saturday, we all went skiing. though it was blistering cold and windy, peggy and i both managed to not fall at all. i like to think its because i'm an expert skiier...but i'm sure it had a lot to do with the wind being so strong that i couldn't go too fast.
i need to remember how it feels to spend time like this. i've needed a rest from being anxious about this or that for a very long time. i have found no better way to recharge than to laugh until i pee my pants with my family in somerville.
1.1.10
new!
The first day of a new year. I remember being eight and thinking it was so amazing that I would be thirteen years old in the year 2000. Here I am, ten years later, without anything figured out. It's as if the moment I've sifted through the pile of mess in front of me, there is a new pile freshly laid.
Either way, this will be my resolution: to write more! Whether or not anyone reads, whether or not it is just on paper or on this computer or on little bits of napkins, I want to continue to write.
(and to get into graduate school.)
(and maybe someday quit biting my nails...but let's be realistic.)
Either way, this will be my resolution: to write more! Whether or not anyone reads, whether or not it is just on paper or on this computer or on little bits of napkins, I want to continue to write.
(and to get into graduate school.)
(and maybe someday quit biting my nails...but let's be realistic.)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
